You are reading a rare, detailed account of everyday life in Stateville Prison.

Click to read Paul's blog quoted on:
To contact Paul, please email: paulmodrowski@gmail.com
or write him at the address shown in the right column. He will get your message personally.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

My Last Post -- January 17, 2015

My 40th birthday was a turning point in my life. No longer can I dwell on memories of the past and pretend I can return to them. It is impossible that I could ever begin where I left off over two decades ago. The world has changed and I have aged. There was nothing I could do which could amend for the vast amount of time lost. When the last governor denied my request for clemency, it obliterated what little hope I had to make the best of the remnants of my life. An appeal will take possibly 10 years to be adjudicated, and even if it was successful, being free as an old man has little allure for me. This blog also has little more to offer and subsequently this will be my last post. It was never my intention to write indefinitely nor allow readers to watch me wither away. I only carried on writing thinking there was a minute chance I could end my story with some finality. However, I was not freed and will continue to languish in prison more than likely until my death.

Since my last post several more prisoners at Stateville have died. On December 4th, a Caucasian man was brutally beaten by his black cellmate. When medical staff removed him from the cell, he was unconscious with a cracked skull and an eye ball dangling out of the socket. The prisoner remained comatose and later died at an outside hospital. Purportedly, his cellmate, Pumpkin, killed him over a dispute regarding the grand jury decision in Ferguson, Missouri, although they had not been getting along since they were put in a cell together. Pumpkin was sent to segregation and will face murder charges, however, I doubt he cares. He was never going to be released from prison anyway.

Another prisoner who died was a fat, slovenly man most convicts referred to as Gay Ray. He had at one time been housed in the same quarter unit as I. Before he was given a lay-in tray, he could barely make it to and from the chow hall and I recall him hanging onto the cyclone fencing to keep himself from falling. Eventually, he was placed in the infirmary but apparently medical staff believed there were other prisoners who required more attention and he was sent to another quarter unit. Not long after he arrived, he suffered a heart attack and died. Medical technicians did not get to him for a long time and there is some contention he would be alive had he been kept at the infirmary. Being celled at the Health Care Unit is no guarantee of greater longevity, however, and another older prisoner with various medical problems died while there.

Of the men who died over the past month, the only one I had acquainted with was Sergeant Major. Sgt. Major was a white prisoner in his 70's who once was celled on my gallery. He was moved to X House where protective custody and inmates who are deemed as not dangerous are kept. His nickname derives from his rank in the U.S. Army before he retired. Sgt. Major was an alcoholic and was arrested a couple of times for DUI before he was in a major car wreck which killed the occupants of the other vehicle. He was sentenced to spend the rest of his days in prison and I am informed the last one was December 27th.

The spate of deaths at the penitentiary has caused some prisoners to derisively muse this was how the IDOC planned to solve the problem of overcapacity. However, deficiencies in health care have always existed. What has not existed are higher incarceration rates and elderly prisoners. There is a wider web of criminal statutes and the penalties have become much more severe. Even an 18 year old who purportedly lent his car to his roommate was convicted of 1st degree murder and sentenced to life in prison despite the actual killer being acquitted by a separate jury. I still have one more chance in the courts, but when I will be able to simply file an appeal remains a big question.

There has been no progress in my request for DNA testing nor collateral appeal since I last wrote. I have not had any further contact with the lawyer or two students I met from the law school at the University of Illinois in Springfield. I assume they are working on other cases or waiting to discern if forensic evidence was preserved by the Palatine Task Force. Under law, police are required to keep and maintain the integrity of forensic evidence, but this does not always happen. As for my appeal, I have yet to discuss with Jennifer Blagg my strong disappointment with the partial rough draft she sent me. Going on 6 years, I expected a fully polished completed work raising all my issues along with supporting affidavits. I have lost faith in her competency and I question if it matters if I ever speak with her again. Without the money to hire a new attorney, I may be forced to write and file my appeal without counsel.

I was finally able to hire a private investigator. His name is John Rea and he worked on my case with trial attorneys at Jenner and Block. Thus, he already had some familiarity with the evidence and people involved. I was glad he was willing to work directly through me rather than an attorney. Many PI's will not. I was also glad he did not charge me an arm and a leg because I will be paying him without the assistance of any family members. For years, I have been slowly collecting money on my prison account. Only one of the people who read my blog has sent me a dime and it has not been easy raising the funds. Hopefully, I have enough to cover all the expenses of the P.I.  His work is essential to supporting my appeal with new evidence not available or forthcoming at my trial.

On Christmas day, I learned Governor Pat Quinn went through about 600 clemency petitions. He decided even more on New Year's Eve. I asked my mother to look on a website to see if mine had been denied yet. Apparently, though, the governor's administration had ceased printing the names of those approved or rejected. The reasoning may have been to allow people to be notified by mail or not to disclose the identity of offenders who had been pardoned of their crimes. The vast majority of people seeking a pardon were not in prison but simply wanted their criminal records expunged. I told my mother over the phone that she will just have to wait until January 12th. If I am at her door, she will know it was approved, and if not, denied.

Needless to say, the day came and went without me being released. For a fleeting moment the counselor got me excited when she yelled to me from the lower floor. It seemed as if she had something urgent to tell me. However, all she wanted to say was that she found my letter to John Rea in the mail room and had brought it to the business office for my money voucher to be processed. A month earlier I had sent the P.I. a check and was impatient for him to receive it. Giving the money voucher to the business office, however, did not mean it would be processed any time soon. In fact, a package I sent out in September requiring only postage has yet to be stamped.

On the day after the governor left office I learned on the television news that only two people of the few thousand clemency petitioners were released from prison. Tyrone Hood who was convicted of a 1993 armed robbery and murder walked out of Menard Correctional Center on Tuesday. He was not pardoned but granted a commutation of sentence from 75 years to time served and he will be on parole for 3 years. The other man was Howard Morgan who in 2005 got in a shoot out with police after he was pulled over in his car for a traffic violation. Police claim there was an argument and he went for his firearm. The police began to barrage him and his car with bullets. Morgan who had a license to carry a gun fired back and was thereafter charged with the attempted murder of 4 police officers. His sentence was also commuted to time served from 40 years. There were some indications both of the men were innocent, however, I thought the case I made to the governor was much stronger.

My mother tells me she has yet to receive a letter from the governor's office saying my petition was rejected. I do not know whether to believe her, but it could be on the way. Regardless, it is irrelevant. Even if Pat Quinn did not decide my petition and passed it off to Bruce Rauner, I do not expect him to act. Granting pardons or even commutations of sentences to prisoners convicted of murder is highly controversial. It is why all governors wait until their final day in office to make such decisions.

Bruce Rauner has wasted no time taking the reigns of power from his predecessor. Earlier this week I was even told a few people from his transition team were at the penitentiary. Their visit put fear into union bosses and high ranking correctional officers who scrambled to put on the best show possible. Rauner may not be able to shake up Springfield but the IDOC already is anticipating an earthquake. I hope he does have the courage to make the tough bold decisions Illinois so desperately needs and other politicians cower from. However, I doubt he is willing to squander any political capital on my behalf.

I may not have as yet received confirmation my clemency petition was denied, but I did receive a brief letter from the so-called "Conviction Integrity Unit." Assistant Cook County States Attorney Susan Caraher writes me: "I am in receipt of your inquiry letter requesting that the Conviction Integrity Unit review your case. Pursuant to your claim of wrongful conviction, we have examined your case. Based upon review, we have determined that your claim is without merit and does not warrant any further investigation on our part at this time." The letter does not at all surprise me. Since its inception, I have known the C.I.U. was a farce. I have written a reply asking exactly what they did to examine my case and then listed 4 pages of evidence which shows Robert Faraci killed Dean Fawcett and I did not lend my vehicle to him on the day in question. Amazing how they can come to a conclusion my claim is without merit having not spoken to a single person. I will request my reply to her be published under the post "An Open Letter to Cook County States Attorney Anita Alvarez" when I am able to make copies.

It is readily apparent to me that I will not be released any time soon and will most likely die in prison. From my very first post I had no intentions to continue writing indefinitely. In fact, after 5 years had passed, I was going to put my pen down, but with my clemency petition still pending and my belief Governor Quinn would not have another term in office, I thought I may as well see it out. Had Quinn granted me a pardon or a sentence reduction, I could have written my final post from home. Regular readers probably would have been satisfied with this conclusion. Unfortunately, this is not a movie with a happy ending.

The purpose of this blog was to give readers a little peak into my life inside these prison walls. I believe I have done this and more. Towards the end, the subject matter even occasionally diverged because I had run out of new ideas. My life is mainly spent in a cell and because I am not a social person, it is even more insular. There is probably a greater range of prison topics and stories a more outgoing convict could have written about. However, that is not who I am. In fact, sharing my experiences, observations and thoughts with strangers around the world is opposite to my natural disposition. Furthermore I absolutely loathe my life and having to think and write about it weekly only made me more miserable.

Readers probably do not realize the amount of time and effort that has gone into "On the Inside." All my posts are hand written on paper. I must print neatly and avoid corrections. Recently I began using a pen because pencil sharpeners are not allowed. When I make a mistake, I must start over with a fresh page of paper or use white acrylic paint to wipe out words. The stories I write are folded and placed in a numbered envelope to be mailed. All posts are numbered to keep track of them as well as to dissuade prison staff from destroying them. For periods of time I had to write duplicates because my letters were disappearing. At Stateville, the mail room is incredibly slow and my posts can take a month or longer to reach the person who reads, types and posts them. As traffic to the blog increased, so has the number of comments and emails. I wanted the site to be interactive as much as possible and therefore those messages are printed and sent to me via mail whereupon I will respond in writing only for it to need to be mailed back and then typed and posted. There is various computer related work which must be done to maintain the blog. I cannot even explain because the Internet did not exist when I was arrested. I was spending occasionally 3 days a week devoted to the blog and it is time for me and those who assist me to move on.

With my free time, I will be working on my appeal. I will be keeping in contact with the private investigator and providing him with information. The evidence he is able to procure will be used in crafting a successive post conviction petition. The petition will have a statement of fact and at least 50 pages of argument. To supplement the arguments, I will need not only evidence but law. I have already done a lot of research, however, my time spent at the prison library will increase and I may begin going on an almost weekly basis excluding lockdown periods. The blog never assisted in gaining my freedom. It was only a diversion. I must use my time more wisely or I will never see justice.

In the movie "Gladiator," Russel Crowe plays a character whose entire life is torn from him. He was a commander of a Roman army, however, after the emperor was murdered by his own son, he was sent out in the woods to be executed. Maximus escapes his executioners and races to save his family. He was too late and both his wife and son were dead. The republic he believed in was dead. His status as general was dead. His entire purpose for living was dead and therefore with a broken heart he just laid there waiting to die himself. Eventually, travelers find him and make him a slave. He is forced to fight as a gladiator and fight he does until he has slaughtered hundreds. His master brings him to the Roman Coliseum where he is told he can win his freedom. Maximus does not care about freedom anymore, though, only to kill the new emperor who took everything worth living for from him. Upon meeting his nemesis, he says, "I will have my justice in this life or the next." And that is all I care about anymore as well. I may be an old crippled man when I am freed with nothing to live for, but I will have justice.

This is my final post and I say farewell to all those who have followed my blog. I hope to have given some insight into the dark realms inside the criminal justice and prison system. If nothing else I hope my stories have been entertaining. I will continue to respond to some comments and emails for a few months. During this time I will also be looking to maintain contact with a few readers on a personal level. I do not currently have any pen pals, but if anyone is interested in corresponding regularly, I encourage them to send me a letter introducing themselves. It may become lonely at times in these dreary dungeons. My time on the Internet must come to an end just as my liberty and life for all practical purposes ended on April 28, 1993.

Update  (April 2015)

Paul's clemency petition was denied by former Governor Pat Quinn on Christmas Eve. The letter was received by his parents after this post was written. Paul continues to work on his post conviction appeal and seek out new legal counsel. He will also file a 6th Clemency Petition in 2016 with the Rauner administration. Hopefully, his suffering in prison will not be indefinite.

305 comments:

  1. Please post a few times a year?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you! Good luck and all the best for the future.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Was your petition actually denied? Or just passed on to the next administration?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heart breaking. I am so sorry.

      Delete
    2. Friend of FamilyMay 10, 2015 at 4:07 PM

      Former Gov. Quinn denied Paul's petition on Christmas Eve, according to the Prisoner Review Board. A letter from the board was received by Paul's parents in early February. This made us conclude the governor only contacts those who are pardoned and leaves the board with the sad job of informing those whose petitions were rejected.

      We have written our new governor, Bruce Rauner, asking him to take another look at Paul's petition. Paul's conviction and life sentence is simply wrong.

      Delete
  4. Your writing is excellent and I will miss it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hopefully you'll update from time to time.
    Fare thee well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Paul, Your blog has been a fascinating insight into your world that is prison but most of all we the reader get a glimpse of the person you are, wishing you all the best for the future, keep fighting for your freedom, keep fighting for justice and never, never give in, it's not an option. Life begins at 40.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Will continue to contact the governour.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sad to see you go.
    Glad that you shared your story with us.

    ReplyDelete
  9. All the best to you, your celly, and your family and friends.

    ReplyDelete
  10. PAUL Y U NO LOVE US?

    ReplyDelete
  11. longtime followerMay 7, 2015 at 7:53 PM

    People: let's all try to send Paul a few bucks now and then.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Paul,

    Wanted to wish you well and repeat my offer to turn your blog into an eBook.

    Thinking of you.

    Dan

    ReplyDelete
  13. Could you write a few times per year?

    ReplyDelete
  14. pLeAsE rEcOnSiDeR

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm asking you to keep blogging. I've been able to refer many to this site and therefore more and more people are learning about you and your case. I agree with the above comment, would you please blog a few times a year, say once ever 2-3 months? Maybe some of us supporters could put up a website or what about a Facebook page?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree ! Please write when you have an opportunity and keep us informed of any progress on your appeal. A few readers wrote about setting up a Facebook page and that could happen too. There should be a link on FB to this blog which is another reason to keep your blog so you can add occasional updates.

      Delete
  16. Get off his a$$ people, I would like to continue to hear from Paul as well but he has made it pretty clear that his heart is not in this anymore. Good luck to you Paul and thank you for sharing your life with us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will miss him but support his wanting to stop because if it does not bring joy to his life then it's not worth it.
      I mean it Paul. I will miss you. Reading your blog has made me appreciate my freedom. Know that I pray often for you and your family members and even your cellmate and other prisoners that you have mentioned. I will send a few dollars when I can. Money is tight here but I feel I owe you something for having enjoyed your blog for so long. I hope that they release you. But if they don't, then I hope you get better accommodations at a nicer facility. Also I hope that you get an opportunity to pursue more education if you want to. Thank you for the gift of yourself. And to Paul's parents: thank you for producing a wonderful son. God's blessings to all of you.

      Delete
  17. وداعا
    May Allah bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I will miss you Paul. Your talent and wit is amazing especially considering how long you've been "on the inside" and that you have autism. Tonight I browsed through some of your earlier posts and laughed again at some of the witty things you wrote! I smiled when I read you were given the nickname "Sunshine"! Your sweet side shows up in the "Birds of Stateville" as in several other posts.

    I hope you leave these posts up for a long time for the friends and families of the imprisoned and to show the world that most prisoners have feelings and needs much like everyone else. Yes, some men did very evil things and some are mentally ill but many made one horrible mistake and are doomed to die "on the inside" (Sgt. Major comes to mind).

    I thank you for informing and educating the world about the reality of prison life and I think I speak for most of your blog readers when I say that I will be praying for your exoneration and freedom until it becomes a reality. Never give up hope.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Such a sweet little boy

    ReplyDelete
  20. Peace to you and all your loved ones. Live a worthy life and never give up.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Great blog. Bum conviction.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Poll: how many of us hope that Paul writes occasional updates?

    Me!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thanks for sharing Paul. It was cool to read about Mertz, Steve, Hooch, Bone, Leprechaun, Tattoo, Bob, Snowman, etc.... and even back a few years to Cracker, Iowa, Don, Ely, and Josh. It is an interesting cast of characters but hopefully you will be parting company with them soon.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I will also miss you and your thoughtful posts. :( Best of luck to you .

    ReplyDelete
  25. But...but...but....this blog site brings awareness to your plight. Look how much traffic it gets now. Can you keep blogging but less often? Pleeeeeeease?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Paul, I wish you all the best. I have appreciated your posts and your willingness to share a part of your life with us. I hope some of your followers will get in touch with you and type you out a letter...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Aw too bad. But thanks for writing for six years. Please post--or have someone post--news from you a couple times per year.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Why not work a prison job like Anthony? It would give you some extra cash to pay your P.I.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men serving life without parole are not allowed to have jobs. Paul would probably like a job in the law library if permitted.

      Delete
    2. Untrue. Anthony is also serving LWOP.

      Delete
    3. Anthony Mertz has life without parole and there are numerous posts on this blog referring to the different prison jobs he has held. LWOP inmates are permitted to work. Paul has made it clear that he does not desire a prison job because it would require him to interact with many other inmates and this is hard for him to do because of his Autism.

      Have you actually read any of this blog?

      Delete
    4. You earn under $20/ month. Working these jobs is more about getting out of your cell and hustling commissary.

      Delete
    5. Paul has a mental illness called autism. For which he can't tolerate to be around other people for too long, especially crowds. Most prison jobs require interaction with other inmates, which because of his illness Paul is unable to do. Therefore it is easier to maintain a good mental state if he stay in his cell. We should send Paul some money because he is handicapped and can't work.

      Delete
  29. Reposting this is Paul's latest blog;

    I used JPAY a couple of days ago to send something to Paul and it really is easy guys. I know everyone has been saying that but I wasn't too sure how simple it would be, but it really is simple.

    We all want Paul to start writing again and keep going with the campaign, here is your chance. Actions speak louder than words so do something guys, even if only a small donation, every penny counts.

    I would also take the opportunity to remind Paul that his writing brought me to the blog so without it I wouldn't have donated. You simple never know who will be reading and in what capacity they work in. One reader of the blog may have that magic key to unlock your current situation so keep going.

    You have come this far, don't give up now. Besides, your writing is excellent and whilst it may not give you much joy, I sincerely hope my donation proves that you never know who will be reading or the power the writing has.

    The answer you are looking for maybe somewhere on this blog or with the readers and to be blunt, what do you have to lose?

    Keep going Paul.

    Support as always from the other side of the Atlantic. Paul UK.

    ReplyDelete
  30. just curious about life in prisonMay 18, 2015 at 12:37 AM

    Random question: how many sets of "state blues" are issued to each inmate?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Paul, you're one in a million. Many thanks for taking time to share your life with us.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Paul, We went to high school together at Lincoln-Way Central. I graduated in 1992 and I became an attorney in 2004. I've read a lot of your posts and I feel for you and your situation. Fact be told, you're probably going to be there a while, having exhausted your appeals and being rejected clemency. With that being said, I dont think you received a fair trial with a competent attorney on your side. In the mean time, I'll send you some cash and continue to pray. Find purpose where you can and stay safe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since you are an attorney, isn't there a way you can help Paul? Not sure if you specialized in criminal law but perhaps talk to other attorneys regarding Paul's situation who might be willing to look at his case pro-bono?

      Delete
  33. Paul, I read this under the heading "Accountability Theory": The defendant appealed on several grounds, but his conviction was reversed due to lack of guilt beyond a reasonable doubt on the issue of felony murder. How? As But who actually killed Fawcett? The State never proved who did.The analysis is: "accountability requires proof that the defendant shared with the person who actually committed the crime for which the defendant is sought be held accountable a common design." If Faracci was found not guilty, who then Killed fawcett. Hope this helps.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Wealthy and concerned reader here please advise what the maximum is that I can send Paul through this JPay system I am seeing posted here in the comments. And what are the fees.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously? Go to JPAY.com to find answers. If you mail them a money order there are no charges. I have no idea if there is a limit of how much can be sent to an inmate. Every donation must be accompanied by a form which can be downloaded and filled out. On the form you provide the inmate's name and prison ID number so they know whose account to credit (JPAY handles the accounts for all prisoners in the state of IL). Any information about the sender is not shared with the inmate.

      Delete
    2. Correction: Sorry, I was mistaken. The inmates are given a statement periodically from JPAY. It lists any money sent to them, along with the date processed and the name of the sender. There is no other information such as addresses.

      Again, anyone wanting to send money to Paul (or any other inmate) must use the JPAY website and follow their instructions.

      Delete
    3. Anyone can write to Paul. His mail is scrutinized by prison staff but eventually is given to him. His mailing address is:

      Paul Modrowski, #B65896
      P.O. Box 112
      Joliet, IL 60434

      Delete
    4. You can make up a name.

      Delete
  35. Yoooooo whooo ... I'm in ... Brazil now. Amazing how fast I can travel eh?

    ReplyDelete
  36. 1. You will be missed.
    2. Thanks for taking the time to write.
    3. Previously, I was under the impression that prisoners had many amenities. Your writing has educated me.
    4. Others have requested occasional updates. I would also appreciate that.
    5. I think your cells should be bigger.
    6. They should make an exception and send you to a medium prison.
    7. Don't lose hope.
    8. Feed your mind and your soul.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Keep up your blog. Turn it into political commentary.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I know you think you're old at 40 but you exercise and eat fairly well it seems. You can expect to live well into your 60's or even beyond!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you're right.

      Delete
    2. Yes. Actually you are to be commended for caring well for yourself.

      Delete
    3. He can still runs five minute mile in boots and lift some huge amount of weight. Paul is Olympic strong! Plus, he knows how to take care of himself with othe prisoners. He is one very tough character. I would not want to mess with him. Would you?!

      Delete
  39. Is anyone going to start a Facebook support page?

    ReplyDelete
  40. Take some correspondence classes.

    ReplyDelete
  41. http://www.chicagotribune.com/suburbs/lake-county-news-sun/news/ct-jason-strong-lake-county-met-20150528-story.html#page=1

    Jason Strong was released and cleared of all charges. Keep the faith Paul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Saw that on the news too. Another victim of crooked cops and assholes trying to get convictions. Live your life Jason.

      Delete
    2. Paul don't givup.

      Delete
  42. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. You can not gain your freedom without help and this is the means to that help. This is part of the appeal process.

    Without this you are an island without support or means.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Why don't you have a facebook page?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Has anyone started one? Is it public or private?

      Delete
  45. And so it was: he disappeared back into that cement and steel barred tomb, never to be heard from again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fare Thee Well

      Delete
    2. Don Quixote. Never give up.

      Delete
  46. You have to start writing again. I'm missing my stories about the Orange Crush raids and lots more what does have to do to get you to start back? Money? Couple of hundred music cassette tapes? Bigger TV? High quality music headphones?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See Paul, even the IDOC employees miss your musings.

      Delete
  47. Paul,

    I sincerely hope justice is served, my mind wonders why on earth coutless attorney's have failed in their quest to get you a fair appeal. I have little regard for the legal profession in general but this is downright disturbing. Going by what you have written this seems a no brainer, why was your friend told your case was hopeless ?

    ReplyDelete
  48. Mr Terminator, I know you have already finished your bachelor's degree. But do they ever offer any interesting classes or discussion groups at Stateville? Can you take these classes even though you have finished your degree?

    ReplyDelete
  49. Message to Anthony: get your degree. Veterans are eligible even if incarcerated.

    ReplyDelete
  50. What do you think about Bruce Jenner?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean "Caitlen"
      Hardy har har

      Delete
  51. Please come back. We need your commentary on Bruce Jenner.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Will someone please start a "supporters" facebook page?

    ReplyDelete
  53. You shoud keep blogging.

    ReplyDelete
  54. This is by far one of the most best blogs on the internet. We have been able to follow Paul from the comfort of our own homes. It has been somewhat like that movie The Truman Show. The audience watches Truman leave his artificial world at the end and some cheer for Truman while others are disappointed that Truman made his way out because they enjoyed watching him. But the loyal readers of this blog are disappointed because unlike The Truman Show we have not seen our hero get out of his artificial world and we don't get to walk along with him anymore either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love that movie and the ending. Truman gets out and he gets his dream girl too.

      Delete
    2. Good analogy.

      Delete
    3. Love the Truman Show. Never thought Paul could ever be compared with any Jim Carey movie but it definitely fits.

      Delete
  55. Are you allowed to purchase a PlayStation or an Xbox?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably at a 40% markup. :P

      Delete
  56. Your followers miss you.
    Let us walk this journey with you.
    Please?

    ReplyDelete
  57. "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." (Mohandas Gandhi)

    ReplyDelete
  58. At least get thyself to a medium-secured facility. Then thou wouldst not have to do laundry in the chamber pot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kind of funny. Good advice too.

      Delete
  59. 'I was spending occasionally 3 days a week devoted to the blog and it is time for me and those who assist me to move on.'

    What about 3 days every month? Two months? We have gotten to know you in a way and will go through "Paul withdrawal" !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Paul withdrawal"
      Good description
      Me too

      Delete
  60. Paul. Please.
    Don't go away.
    Take a break but don't entirely leave us.
    There are so many issues that we need your commentary on.
    Would you humor us and write a post every 6-8 weeks?
    Some of us WANT to follow you for the long haul.
    Please?

    ReplyDelete
  61. Mr Modrowski, you are missed more than you know.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Paul, come back.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Firmitas – "tenacity" – strength of mind, and the ability to stick to one's purpose at hand without wavering.

    Work on that.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Get transferred to Hill CC in Galesburg. It was built in the 1980s. It's not as dilapidated as the Ville and maybe it even has air conditioning.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Pleez doant stopp yer eksellent blaug.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I doubt the people saying "work on focus/tenacity/hope believe in god and his plan" would make it half as long as paul. Its easy to type in anonymity ftom a computer.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Does Paul get all comments here even if they're not posted?

    ReplyDelete
  68. http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2015/07/13/obama-clemency-46-men-and-women-facebook/30086127/

    In today's news, Obama pardoned 46 non-violent drug offenders. Before Obama even freed 4 Guntanamo Bay prisoners. See there is still hope. You are a model prisoner with good behavior who was wornguflly convicted, maybe Obama will pardon you before he leaves office. With the 2016 Presidental election coming up, I got a feeling that Obama is going to grant a large number of pardons at the end of his preisdental term. You might be one of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can Obama pardon state inmates? Or only federal?

      Delete
    2. Ī bēlîēve ōnly fëdërâl.

      Delete
    3. A huge fan & prayer warriorJuly 15, 2015 at 10:33 PM

      Long ago, I wrote to Obama about Paul's case/injustice. I never received a response. Friends told me he would not do anything for prisoners other than those in federal prisons. IMO, Obama seems to only help non-Americans!

      Delete
    4. But, in fairness, and I'm not saying Paul did the crime, but: imagine the political fallout and damage, the propaganda which the Right and Obama's political opponents in general could make (or really ANY politician's opponents could make), if they just suddenly pardoned Paul in this case. No retrial, nothing, just a pardon. Headlines, or Rush Limbaugh for sure: "Obama Pardons Man Convicted in Gruesome Murder". Etc, etc. No politician that wants to stay a politician for much longer can do this, really. That's why this case must one day be re-tried or successfully appealed somehow; that is the only way I can see out of it. You know, just 'devil's advocate' (as I said, I am long time supporter and reader of Paul); the people who are against it would demand to know on what grounds it's pardoned. Just based on the President (or Governor or whoever) receiving some letters, and reading a blog wherein the convicted says he is innocent? That's not enough.

      Delete
  69. We still miss him.

    ReplyDelete
  70. WE NEED HIM BACK.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Somebody who writes to Paul------ please tell him to post a commentary on recent issues such as the Duggar family scandal, Obergefell v. Hodges and the brewhaha which followed it, the Iran deal, the Confederate flag controversy, and Election 2016.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Paul do not forsake us.

    ReplyDelete
  73. I went to high school with Paul. We attended Southeast Alternative in Lombard, IL. I remember the first time he walked into that classroom... everyone was intimidated except me. Nobody would talk to him, nobody would make eye contact, nobody was willing to give the guy a chance. He was physically intimidating, but after a few minutes of talking with him, it was obvious that this was a kid who was wise beyond his years. He didn't have time to waste with these other obnoxious, loud-mouthed teenagers who knew nothing about life or what was important. Paul had no ego, I never saw him lose his patience, never heard his voice raised in anger, and never heard him talk down to anyone. In fact, he was always reminding me: "we're not like them, we're above that kind of behavior." We often chatted on the phone and it was always hilarious to the point where I would be crying from laughter. I preferred his company above anyone else's in those days, and it seemed he felt the same way about me. An example of Paul's typical behavior... one time he came to my house in Naperville with some crazy kid named Harry. This kid Harry cursed uncontrollably and my mother wasn't too pleased with him being in her house. Paul didn't take long to straighten him out and made him apologize to my mom. I have never met a more respectful, calm, peaceful and deeply intellectual human being than Paul Modrowski. Even as a prisoner he contributes more to society than most people out in the free world. Imagine how much more we would benefit from him being free. Paul, if you happen to read this, I hope you remember me and I would love to talk with you again someday. My email is oshkataja@gmail.com. (I changed my name a few years ago). But I was called 'BT' back then and we were in Mrs Flaherty's class. It would be great to hear from you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Paul went to Westmont High?

      Delete
    2. Alternative schools are schools people are sent to, usually after being kicked out of their home district. The students are still condidered students of their "home school" though.

      Delete
    3. KICKED OUTTA SKOOL? PAUL U BAD BOY!

      Delete
    4. Osh that's a great story. Do you have any others to share about Paul?

      Delete
    5. If the two of you were "above that kind of behavior" then why in alternative school in the first place?

      Delete
  74. Really feel sorry for you and the other inmates, so humid and hot today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Legit. I thought about them too.

      Delete
  75. Paul went to Westmont for two years and then somewhere else. He graduated from Lincolnway

    ReplyDelete
  76. Paul come back. You have had a six-month break from this blog. Please.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Would you write to someone who differs politically and religiously from you, yet still is interested in your life and case?

    ReplyDelete
  78. Hi Paul! Just cracking open a great bottle of wine tonight and eating some of wonderful cheese and crackers and wondering how your getting along. Have you gotten a job? You need to get outta that human rat cage for at least 8 hours a day.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Don't fold your tent and disappear into that concrete and steel tomb. You need the outside link to the world that you get through the blog for the next 20, 30 or possibly even 40 years. What a lee do you have to do? Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He has to wash his clothes by hand in a sink that dripples out water.

      He has to spend time walking to and from the chow hall. As I understand it, most prisoners are more obnoxious than preschoolers and the walk can take a while.

      He exercises.

      He is writing a new appeal. By hand.

      He has a neurological disorder.

      Delete
  80. This 2014 UK tv movie seems a bit like Paul's case. It's called Common and they are playing it on Showtime this month.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2937752/?mode=desktop&ref_

    ReplyDelete
  81. Thank you Paul, for all the time and effort you put out to write this blog. I certainly miss you, and will miss you. I know you are doing more important things now, working on your appeal and dealing with life however you have to. None of us out here can possibly know what it would be like to be in your shoes You are a fabulous writer and hopefully, someday, your blog will be published. It should be. I am disappointed that your Governor(s) have not seen fit to release you. I am one of your readers who both wrote to the Governor and emailed as well. Likely, most of your blog readers will check back from time to time to see if there are any updates. And maybe to re read some of it as well. Thanks to the blog helpers for all your work over the years. I hope that someday Paul you are freed to spend at least some of your life back home with your family. Thanks again....and Good-bye.

    ReplyDelete
  82. The silence is deafening.

    ReplyDelete
  83. What about writing an update every six weeks? That's only 8 or 9 times a year.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Get a prison job and get out of that rat cage you sit in all day.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Hey is this the Facebook group? https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=149387221786994&ref=content_filter

    ReplyDelete
  86. If the two of you were "above that kind of behavior" then why in alternative school in the first place?

    ReplyDelete
  87. Why has Paul been locked up in ad seg for months on end now? Did he attack someone?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul is not in seg! What makes you think that? Paul pretty much keeps to himself and stays busy.

      He's spending a lot of time doing legal research for his appeal and writing to legal organizations trying to get a well known lawyer to help him. He told me that most of them charge $100,000 to do appeals. Obviously, neither Paul or his family have that kind of money.

      Delete
    2. No one stands a chance if they attack Paul!

      Delete
  88. You NEED a Supporter of Paul Modrowski Facebook page. This is not an option, it is a need!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you think money could be raised to hire a good lawyer for Paul through a Facebook page? Very few people who read this blog donated money using the PayPal system that prisoners in Illinois have to use.

      Delete
    2. Personally I have not donated because I want to remain anonymous. If I can do this by sending cash or an anonymous money order.

      Delete
  89. Paul! Please come back.

    ReplyDelete
  90. I've got a box of several hundred music cassette tapes I'd like to give you since you can't have CDs if you want them and can have them.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Why can't you move to Dixon? Other lifers reside there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Various legal groups have tried to get Paul transferred to Dixon. He certainly deserves to be there given his clean record for over 20 years, and the ridiculous sentence given him for supposedly lending his car to a criminal. Everyone wants to go there because its the best medium security prison in Illinois but was told that only those with political clout are able to get their kid sent there.

      Delete
  92. Found this quote from Paul's entry of 10/22/10 in the "Guilty - Three Months Segregation" post.

    "However, I think they realize I would not agree to go silent. I will never go silent. I am the living dead, the soul that is tormented and will not rest. And as the ghost that cannot pass on, I will continue to haunt the living with my story until I am set free."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul. Come back. Pls.

      Delete
    2. Yes. We miss you, Terminator.

      Delete
    3. Seconded, Paul pls come back.

      Paul UK

      Delete
    4. Keep the faith, Paul. Don't give up hope! Many prayers are offered on your behalf.

      Delete
  93. Can anyone tell us how Paul is doing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, can Paul's family or friends give us an update?

      Delete
  94. Smile just a bit in your mugshot this year. Please. Wanna see what a smiling Paul looks like.

    ReplyDelete
  95. I did do a donation for Paul via JPay (was easy) so be great to know if he received that OK. Also if anyone else can help with small donations I'm sure that would really help Paul and hopefully make him realise people do care, are interested and want to help his situation if they can and in any way possible. Even the smallest donation is a positive step.

    Come on Paul, you owe it to your readers who have backed this blog and spread the word to provide us an update. Plus I stay strong in my belief that you never know who may read this blog and the help they maybe able to provide.

    Wish you all the best as always. Paul UK.

    Ps I'm really hoping but I'm absolutely sure they do; that the blog guys and girls who help with this make sure he receive all comments. You guys have always and continue to do an amazing job and you have my utmost respect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. April, a blog helperOctober 5, 2015 at 8:16 PM

      Thanks so much, Paul. Yes, he please received your donation and really appreciated it. :) You're correct about the blog helpers: we're still sending him the blog comments and hoping he'll change his mind soon. He's been writing lawyers and Innocence Projects, hoping to get some legal help with his post conviction appeal.

      He's hoping the U of Illinois Innocence Project will handle the legal request to have DNA tested (we all are)! Back in 1992, DNA testing was not as advanced as it is now.

      There is a journalist working on a large project that could help him too. When it is ready to air, we will post information here!

      Many thanks, Paul,

      Delete
    2. Good to hear that his case may still get media attention.

      Delete
  96. I wish you hadn't stopped. I've enjoyed that which I've read thus far.

    ReplyDelete
  97. I still check this blog occasionally, in case you decided to resume the saga.October 10, 2015 at 8:00 AM

    Paul, do they have coffee available for you to drink? 1-3 cups per day. It may help improve your mood. You are healthy and fit, so your body can afford to have some coffee every day.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Paul, Please come back! I'd like to get your take on the Chicago Cubs in the playoffs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully Paul is rooting against the cubs.

      Delete
    2. Paul are you Cubs or Socks fan?

      Delete
    3. As I recall Mertz is a Cub fan.

      Delete
    4. No wonder the cubs are cursed!

      Delete
  99. Seconded.
    Paul. Your commentary is sorely missed.
    We need your internet presence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ya. Can't you do a monthly post ..."Paul's Ponderings"?

      Delete
  100. Oh cmon Paul! Don't go all tomb sleeper on us just because you received a few letters there in prison that you didn't particularly like. Man up and break out that pencil again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure do miss your writing. Hope you are OK.

      Delete
    2. Yes. Please revive this site.

      Delete
    3. He should have a new mugshot soon.

      Delete
  101. Paul's birrhday Nov 30. Let's send cards. We need to send now because mail is so slow at Stateville . There is a way to do this anonymously. https://www.fairshake.net/reentry-resources/get-involved/send-a-greeting/

    ReplyDelete
  102. I'm also an adult aspie. Do you stim? Did you as a child?

    ReplyDelete
  103. Please resume this site. Please?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Neat blog. Too bad you stopped.

      Delete
  104. Cmon and pick that pen back up. Don't be a quitter and a coward.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Hope you can give us a big ole smile in your next prison mug shot this year.

    ReplyDelete
  106. They are making a documentary about mertz

    http://m.jg-tc.com/news/documentary-on-mcnamara-murder-case-underway/article_fa2ce23b-76c1-55c6-95fb-28726e3867ed.html

    ReplyDelete
  107. PAUL. Y U NO LUV US?

    ReplyDelete
  108. Every now and then your name is surfacing on my mind and i feel the urge to visit this blog, - to find this blog abandoned except for a couple of new comments.
    Makes me feel sad.
    Hope you are ok under the circumstances.

    What can we do for you?

    DR, Germany

    ReplyDelete
  109. Hope you get transferred to Hill or Western Illinois.

    ReplyDelete
  110. Completely agree DR.

    Paul you have managed to monumentally achieve people from England & Germany agreeing so if that isn't proof you need to write an update, I don't know what is!! :)

    Paul, UK

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. You're right.

      And the fact that people are still watching this site...proven by all the comments that are still being posted, months after Paul stopped writing....proves that many still support him and are interested in his life story.

      Paul! As I and others have said before: please consider writing a new entry once a month? That's only 12 entries per year instead of 52 entries as before. Please? Pleeeeeeease?

      Delete
  111. NEW MUGSHOT!
    Check out a bearded Paul on the IDOC website. (It won't let me lost a direct link for some reason?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul. You are handsome.

      Delete
  112. There's a new mugshot!

    ReplyDelete
  113. Paul's new mugshot is on IDOC's inmate search site. (You're so handsome, Paul)!
    Could a blog helper post it here along with an update on how you're doing?

    ReplyDelete
  114. Miss your blogposts. It's been way too long.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Paul.
    We NEED YOUR COMMENTARY on recent events.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Pleez write once a month. Pleez?

    ReplyDelete
  117. Yes plz come back to your site!

    ReplyDelete
  118. Paul,

    Even though you no longer bless us with your words, you are not forgotten. Letters and emails are sent to Gov. Rauner's office on your behalf.

    Have faith. You will be freed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes to that. You are not forgot.

      Delete
  119. WE NEED YOU PAUL.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Its Paul's birthday. The about Paul section should be updated to read that Paul is 41 years old.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Best wishes, Paul. We miss you.

      Delete
  121. Many regards to the inmates who finished the StateVille barber school

    http://www.fox32chicago.com/news/local/51335959-story

    ReplyDelete
  122. What book are you currently reading?

    ReplyDelete
  123. Happy belated birthday to our favorite blogger! Nice new mugshot.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Blog supporters:
    Please sign this petition to help support Paul's freedom from injustice:

    http://www.thepetitionsite.com/949/200/168/free-innocent-autistic-man-who-was-given-life-without-parole-for-no-reason

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought Paul didn't show emotions at his trial because he has autistic personality disorder. But this petition says that he didn't show emotions because his LAWYERS told him to?

      Delete
  125. I hope these comments are still printed and mailed to you,Paul I can't help but think you have made the wrong decision in halting your writing,I understand your frustration and your despair but I can't help but think public awareness is the only way you will ever gain the ear of the people in power that can do something about the injustice inflicted on you. I fear that your loyal readers will lose interest if they don't hear from you at least occasionally and without interest there will be no outrage or voices on your side.Please reconsider writing at least occasionally for this blog if not for your readers then to benefit your cause. I pray for you Paul Modrowski. God's speed

    ReplyDelete
  126. Completely agree with your comments.

    My view has always been you never know who will read this blog and maybe someone has the magic key to help with Paul's case. As the old lottery expression goes "got to be in it to win it".

    I'm from the UK and the example I use is that I made a small donation via JPAY to Paul with the point being, that's a consequence of the blog.

    Sure it wasn't a massive donation ($100) but my point is that wouldn't have happened without the blog and Paul's writing; which is excellent.

    I would also add a lot of reader care very much for Paul's future, I know I do so it would be great to hear from Paul.

    Actions speak louder than words so I really would encourage the readers who can to make a small donation to Paul.

    It's great putting comments like "please come back etc... (I have done that also), but let's actually do something positive which I'm sure Paul would respond to. Although important to note he has never asked for money.

    I'm going to do another donation on JPAY and it's remarkably easy. $2, $20, $200, whatever people could help with I'm sure would be of help to our favourite blogger.

    I hope Paul, his blog helpers (who's work is really appreciated) and the readers have a fantastic Xmas.

    Take this opportunity to show what Paul means to you in a very positive way.

    Paul UK

    ReplyDelete

If you choose Name / URL, you can write any name and you don't need a URL. Or you can choose Anonymous. Paul loves getting your Comments. They are all mailed to him.